Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Idiot Central Medical Group

Mysterious phone message last week:

Unknown Female: Hi, this is Idiot Central Medical Group, calling to let you know that your referral is ready. If you have any questions, please call 1-800-WE-SUCK.

Me:Ignore.

Mysterious phone call yesterday, around 2:00 p.m.:

Same Unknown Female: Hi, this is Idiot Central Medical Group, calling to let you know that your referral is ready.
Me:What is this about, please? What referral?
Same Unknown Female:I don’t know, but you can make your appointment.
Me:With who? For what?
Same Unknown Female:I don’t know, but we have your paper here.
Me:What paper? What is on the paper? Can I see the paper, please?
Same Unknown Female:I don’t know where it is or what is on it.
Me:Can someone please provide some clarification?
Same Unknown Female:~heavy sigh~ I’ll have someone give you a call after they get off their break.
Me:Thank you.

Me, calling Idiot Central Medical Group yesterday, around 4:00 p.m.

Me: Hello, someone called about a referral and could not provide any information regarding it. Someone was supposed to call back but hasn’t done so yet.
Person on Phone: Let me transfer you to someone who cares because I obviously don’t.
~pause~
Person on Phone: Someone who cares is not available and I really don’t want to deal with you. How about I get your name and number and have someone who cares call you back?
Me: Fine, thank you so much.

Me, calling Idiot Central Medical Group this morning, around 9:00 a.m.

Me: Hello, someone called about a referral and could not provide any information, and someone was supposed to call me back.
Person on Phone: Yes, that was me, I talked to you. But I don’t have any information. Let me see if someone who cares is available.
~transfer beeps~
Someone who Cares: Hi, yes, we have your referral available. You can make your appointment.
Me: Referral for what? Appointment with who? Can I see the paper? Please?
Someone who Cares: A copy was sent to the patient. In the mail.
Me: I never received one.
Someone who Cares: The referrals we have here for you are for the MRI on your knee and for a follow up with the Ortho.
Me: Yes, I’ve already seen the Ortho. And the MRI on the knee is an obvious mistake, so I’m ignoring that. Was anything at all regarding my ankle surgery? Is any of this interfering in that process?
Someone who Cares: We don’t know anything about an ankle surgery. We have a referral for the MRI on your knee and for your follow up with the Ortho. You can make an appointment now.
Me: Nothing about the ankle surgery?
Someone who Cares: No, ma’am, just the…
Me: Thank you.
~click~

Me, calling Ortho doctor’s office today, around 10:00 a.m.

Me (speaking to the vm of the third person I was transferred to): Please, can someone tell me my surgery date? It’s been two weeks since my visit, and I already did my EKG that day and the results were faxed to you at that time. I’m cleared for surgery and just waiting for a date. But it has to be this specific date or week, or I have to wait another year for the opportunity, and I don’t think I should. The referring doctor’s office knows nothing about any surgery. Thank you.

My mother, calling today, around 11:10 a.m.

Mom: Hi, I’m calling because I’m helping the person you called because she lost her voice.
Me: Who is this?
Mom: Your mother.
Me: (grumbling under breath) Oh. Hello.
Mom: Yes, so, we faxed the auth to the referring doctor on May 20.
Me: They don’t have it.
Mom: Yes, I know. We faxed it again just now. Why didn’t you do your EKG yet?
Me: I did it on May 14. It was faxed to you that day.
Mom: We don’t have it. I’ll have to request it again.
Me: Great. Thanks.
Mom: So, you need to come in for pre-op.
Me: Yeah, what is that, and what exactly happens then?
Mom: I don’t know, I think it’s a mini-physical.
Me: I need to know EXACTLY what happens. Are needles involved? I need to know so I can prepare in advance. And I need to know about any appointment after the surgery so I can make nearly impossible plans to come back. I was shocked to hear that I have to come back two weeks after surgery to have the cast put on. That will be VERY difficult to finagle.
Mom: I’m surprised they don’t have you coming back two DAYS after surgery.
Me: If they need that, they’d better tell me NOW, or it is NOT going to happen.
Mom: I will have the nurse call you.
Me: Thank you. And by the way, all this incompetence and lack of communication between the doctor’s offices and even with me is completely unprofessional and unacceptable. Somebody needs to get their act together and stop playing fun little games with my LIFE. I am really angry and upset and I am NOT HAPPY about this entire situation, so if you could please make sure that things are DONE RIGHT THIS TIME, I would appreciate it!
Mom: Okay.
Me: Thanks, Mom.
~click~


And now I’m off to lunch. Maybe I will have some primal scream therapy somewhere.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Sugar for the Ham

Last night was AJ's school's spring musical, where all the kids in the elementary portion of the school dress up and sing, along with some choreography, while a few of the older children perform a skit. AJ dressed up from biblical times, like everyone else, and stood in the front row, hamming it up before the acts, during the acts, between the acts, and after the acts. He was wonderful. I took a lot of video. Not so many still shots. And I don't want to post pictures of any of the other students without their permission. But I can be a mom for a few minutes right now and post him as a ham and as a relaxing ham.

Here he is in the beginning:

From 09 April May


Resting between acts:

From 09 April May


I really don't think the music teacher knew that the 4th grade boys turned one of the songs into a cabaret act. And that one of the soloists center stage thinks she's J.Lo from the Fly Girls days. One of those boys thinks he's Fred Estaire minus the top hat and cane. I wish I could have joined them!

For one song, the lights were low, and they all had glow in the dark hearts that they uncovered. Of course, AJ made his beat out of his chest. After the show, he showed it to me and it was in a plastic baggie. I asked him why, and he said it was oozing yellow goo.

I told him his heart was overflowing. And he said, yes, with yellow goo.

And the moral of the story is: Nothing says love like yellow goo.

Oh, and they took my cookie pops and broke them into little pieces and presented them as slivers of their original creations. I didn't know this, because it was not communicated to me by the school, but the plan was to charge admission to the dessert room (the chapel) and then everyone can have as many sample-sized portions of the various desserts as they wish. I wish I had known that. I would have made the applesauce cranberry cookies, without the sticks, wrappers and ribbons.

But there was a lot of good sugar available. AJ's teacher made a couple good desserts in there, too, and there was just about anything you might ever want.

Yum.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Cookie Pops

Last night, I sacrificed some sleep so I could turn out these cookie pops for the bake sale at AJ's school today. I know, I could have baked them and assembled them and then froze them ahead of time, but there's no time like the last minute. Deadlines make life that much more thrilling. Woohoo!

AJ picked out the cookies he wanted me to make from The Cake Mix Doctor cookbook that I love. They look like lollipops, but are really cookies doctored from cake mix on a stick. And we all know that everything tastes better on a stick. AJ picked out green apple sprinkles, some nonpareils, and I found some sprinkles in the cabinet.

The first batch was sweet and sour because of the apple flavored topping, and the sticks didn't want to stay. By the second batch, we had the hang of sticking in the sticks, and the third batch went perfectly.

From 09 April May


From 09 April May


Of course, the kid went to bed, and I didn't. I stayed up late wrapping them all in cellophane and tying curly ribbons around them.

From 09 April May


As AJ brought them in to daycare this morning before school, the other kids crowded around him and tried to finagle some free cookie pops.

He said no. They would have to wait and pay for them later.

We kept some small ones for ourselves.

From 09 April May


Next time, I will make them larger, and try to put together a theme, like red, white and blue, or psychedelic, and use them for special occasions. I figure I can Kool-Aid dye the sticks and coordinate the toppings.

I'll do it earlier in the day, though.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Breast Friends T-Shirts


It's good cause time again here at Anna's playhouse. If you are a student, past or present, of Spalding University, chances are good that you received an e-mail regarding the 40-year-old single mother battling breast cancer. Seeing as how I am an inch away from 40 and a single mother, myself, this really hit home. This could oh so easily be me--or you or you or YOU!

If you would like to help Melisa, the brave woman fighting cancer to stay alive and raise her children, you can purchase one of these really neat t-shirts that say "Breast Friends" on them for $10 plus shipping. I did!

Every cent goes directly to Melisa for assistance with her recovery.

If you would like more information, please contact Jessica at jmuth@spalding.edu.

The only thing that feels better than helping yourself is helping someone else. Thank you!