Clearance Racks

I couldn't do it yesterday.  The sitting on my butt part: I couldn't do it.  I've been wanting some new clothes since returning to work after the surgery, and since I am not able to be as active as I would like, the new clothes need to be a little bit larger than the old clothes.  Not much.  But enough for me to breathe.  I wish I could just lose the weight, and believe me, I've been trying, but I can't walk enough to make a difference.  I have to be patient.  (So hard for me in ANY situation).

I've had my eye on some clothes on ebay for a while, and even earned a sweet deal on a polka dot rockabilly shirt that is just low cut enough to make me feel female again, but mostly I just get outbid.  Disappointing.

So, faced with stacks of papers to grade yesterday, and drying skies outside calling my name, I picked up my car from the oil change it desperately desired, and went to Target.  Oh, wow!  Everything was on sale!!!  I found all the tops I wanted for like, $2 to $6 and change.  Nice stuff, too.  I couldn't believe it.

But I couldn't find shoes, so I went to Kohl's.  They were having clearance sales, too!  And I found shoes.  And pants!  Everywhere, pants!  the kind I like, in dark colors (because they really do make me seem less fat, I believe it, I do) and in styles that don't look super dorky with tennis shoes (that I have to wear every day because of my ankles, possibly...forever).  And the pants were under $10 each pair.

If I had bought everything I wanted when I wanted it before these sales, I would have spent more than I could have afforded.  But yesterday, I was able to walk away with a whole new wardrobe for as much as I would normally have paid just for a pair of ortho shoes at retail price.

By waiting, I got the deals.  Maybe there's something to be said for patience, after all.

Nah...couldn't be.

Just a Blog

It was mentioned to me lately that there was a long span of time where I didn't write any blogs.  I explained why to the person who asked.  But now I've got my brave on and I'm posting more.  Sort of.  Just not...lately.  Oh, okay.  I will start again.  It's just hard exposing myself to the world at large.  I censor these things more than you think I do.  And when I feel intensely personal, I don't share.  Period.  So I haven't been sharing.  I'm sure I could skim the surface and find something, like a photo from my childhood, hahaha, and make it seem like I'm all sharing and stuff, but that's not really fulfilling.

Usually when I feel this way, it means it's time to write.  I stepped away from Goldenrod a while ago, and Seneca not long before that.  I think, after I'm doing grading buckets of papers today, I might add a chapter or two to Goldenrod.  She's been in my dreams again.

That is all.  Oh, and the snow is frigid and demanding.  Driving through it is a challenge.  I am only doing that once today.  The rest of the day is sit on my butt time.

Memory Lane

I don't have many photos from my childhood.  I came across some old school pictures and some snapshots my grandmother must have taken when I was quite young.  As I looked through them tonight, it was at first as if I was looking at someone else.  Who was this girl?  When did she ever wear ponytails on the sides of her head?  And what joke was she laughing at that no one else could hear?  

I do remember the guy sitting in the background, smoking cherry tobacco from a pipe.  That was my much-maligned grandfather who did nothing but shower me with innocent affection and always delighted in my presence.  Well, after I was born.  Shhhh...I don't have a father.  Scandalous!  I was the albatross at first, and then the family accepted me.

Anyway, so I was only allowed three dolls in my childhood (my mother held feminist values and didn't want me to grow up thinking I had to be a housewife), and here I am, holding two of them at once.  Decadence embodied.  And THAT was only allowed because I was with my grandparents.  I can't find any pictures of my grandmother in this group of pictures.  The camera swallowed her whole.  It does that to me all the time these days.  I can relate to her better than I can to this miniature portrait of myself here.  

I do like to think that some of that mischief still shines through, when the pain isn't so bad, and I've had some rest.  Maybe tomorrow I will feel her poke through.  I'll let her hold as many dolls as she wants.