Thursday, June 18, 2009

trying to document the experience for later

Today is the first day since the surgery on Monday that I feel anywhere near coherent enough to attempt to describe even part of the experience. And this feeling is temporary, as I have a pain med due in four minutes, and I have learned not to wait or delay those pain med deadlines.

Let's just say that the pain was unbearable at first, then the nerve block at the knee down to the ankle wore off, and the pain became undescribable, with me screaming in agony and choking down gulping, snotty sobs until the pain meds did enough to help me to almost sleep and distance myself from the constant pain and nausea.

I fell off the crutches several times, but four of those instances were worse than the others. I now have the knee walker, thanks to Cheryl and Dale, but I still need crutches to get to and from the bathroom. I tried to go to the kitchen twice, but that was not fun.

Angel knows what I need before I do, and he provides me with everything and more, and so his halo glistens even more brightly than ever before. That doesn't mean I am not still stubborn and try to do things for myself. He tells me not to, and sometimes I listen, but it is not his fault when I don't. He has the patience of a grandmother in a candy shop with ten grandkids and no money. I can't think of anyone else who is better equipped to handle me than he is.

So, thanks to him, I have bananas and peanut butter and bread and grapes and strawberries and tiny tomatoes and granola bars, and he even made me coffee for the first time this morning. I have everything I need. I just need to get better.

And the pain wasn't letting me think at all. I am told I didn't make much sense, and my sentences were not complete for a while there.

The alarm just went off to tell me that it is time to take another med. That is priority.

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