Sunday, June 21, 2009

Grocery Shopping in the Bedroom

I thought I did the grocery shopping online. I mean, well, I guess I actually did do the grocery shopping online. It took over an hour. I might as well have been at the store, with all the "browsing the aisles" and "shopping from lists" I did at

I even updated my preferred member card number and provided a correct mailing address (I usually don't bother).

I sat here with my leg propped up and iced evenly on both sides, sucking down water and Vicodin, purchasing bananas, grapes, yogurt, juice, applesauce, anything my heart desired, all a click away.

I threw in corn dogs for the kid, who should arrive sometime tonight, and some taquitos, and even chicken pot pies for Angel just to make him laugh. Well, we would eat them, too. Not the kid, he's too picky. But Angel and I would eat the pot pies. I could easily demonstrate that I can still deliver the pot pies, even from the bedroom. What a woman! I would surely be accomplishing some super feat of virtue by making sure that poor Angel didn't have to wander around the grocery store for an unknown amount of time, scratching his head in pursuit of REAL guacamole. I chose the correct brands, amounts, and ingredients. I had it ALL FIGURED OUT for him.

Proudly, I shouted across the house, "Sweetheart! I just finished the grocery shopping! Where would you like to pick it up?"

"No way!" He was astonished and amazed and awestruck and all the things he should have been, appropriately. I was patting myself on the back so hard that house shook. Or maybe that was...never mind.

Anyway, so I looked up the pickup address for the store, and we were both a little tiny teeny bit disappointed that the closest Albertsons did not participate in this program. However, one only a few miles away was available, so I clicked on that location, and we were both still pleased.

Then I looked at the timetable for pickup. Where was today? I searched and searched. What were all of these confusing Mondays and Tuesdays on my screen? Where was...where was...Sunday?

"Oops. I guess I should have checked that first. Sorry." I apologized profusely. "Well, at least I can print out the list and you can use that when you go shopping." I smiled. Sort of.

"Great." His enthusiasm waned. He picked up the printed list and asked me to keep it all together. "You don't want me to go NOW, do you?"

"No, no. It can wait. Thanks."

He went back to the living room.

And here I am, me and my laptop, visions of applesauce dancing in my head no more. I saved the shopping cart, just in case, but did not complete the order.I thought I had done such a good thing.

Blast you, Albertsons, and your dastardly incomplete advertising. Next time, you will lose, because I will order in advance, before the bananas turn brown!

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